Waiting for life to begin

“It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.” ~Ursula LeGuin

Every career or calling has its own path, and certainly a young artist knows he or she is not choosing the easiest course. There exist careers whose trajectories almost seem like a checklist: get _____ undergraduate degree, _____ graduate degree, apply for _____ certification, land one of many available jobs in your field, and voilá, your career awaits. Perhaps many musicians have personalities that rebel against such predestination and lack of surprises anyway, but the uncertainty of a life in the arts has its own pitfalls. Perhaps foremost of these is that we often feel like we’re waiting for life to begin, always waiting to achieve whatever we define as success in our field. We know better than to expect that we will get one big break that will do it, but we might assume that one smaller break will be followed by another smaller break, and it will all lead in a straight line toward success. We have our sights on the signposts along the way: the first professional gig, the summer program, the young artist program, the competition prize, the agent contract, the ability to quit our day-job to focus on music. All along the way, there are also technical signposts: “When I have a solid high C...” In the moment, it can feel like the next one will be it, the next one will make us feel secure or accomplished, or, at the very least, give us a sign that we are going in the right direction. After the next accomplishment, we can relax for a while. But then that next accomplishment doesn’t happen as we’ve planned, or doesn’t give us the security we foresaw, or we get there and can only see what needs to be done next. And in the meantime, are we truly enjoying life, or are we letting it pass us by? If we’re busy thinking that our lives will begin when we achieve __________, then are we stuck in a state of suspended animation while we work and wait?

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ~John Lennon

We are artists because we have something we want to tell, some emotion we want to share. If we are not truly experiencing life along the way, our art may become stagnant – focusing on future success may make our present performances less vital, less human. Good friends, good food, traveling, experiencing other arts: these and other pleasures make our lives better in the meantime, and, as an intrinsic benefit, may serve as catalysts for our creativity.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” ~James Dean

I recently had a dream in which I was explaining something I truly believe but have never been able to articulate in waking life: “The way we choose to live our lives is our ultimate work of art. All other art is documentation.”